What's not yours..will never be yours..

Nowadays, after being introduced to the world of blogging by my far away down south friend every free time I have I'll blog hop. I was reading one of the blog that I've link to mine and realised how actually I've divert from my role as a 'makcik'.

What it's not yours, it will never be yours. Allah has fated that at the age of 30 i'm still single and searching..well not literally searching..but more of waiting buah yang tak jatuh. But my love for children develop eversince forever I think..that's why when I was offered the job as nanny I did not hesitate not for a moment. While everyone in the family especially mom was against it, I pursued with the job. I know everbody meant well...what the heck is she doing, from one career lady one day and the next day i'm changing diapers. Mom was more concerned of how she has to answer to the clan of my new posting abroad.

Kita hanya merancang, hanya tuhan yang menentukan. In less that a year of my returning to home sweet home, my brother passed away. So without being asked and to everyone's expectation I packed my bag and my social life and went to live with my SIL and her 5 kids plus the maid. Those kids..i love that like crazy!!!

Not even reaching a year since my brother's death I think I've turned from a loving aunt to a most despise aunt. I tried so hard to make their life as how Abang was around. I'm the tough one..i nagged...i threw tantrum and poor muhammad always getting the rotan from me since he's the notorious one. Notorious in a good way, he's very expressive, very vocal and very loving to his mama. But at the same time he's attitude has taken a step too far, he treats my SIL very badly and giving bad examples to the younger ones and all she could say was..tak boleh..kita tak boleh berkeras sangat..kesian, he dun have a father. He's 12 and next year will be a new life for him. If he's lucky he'll get into boarding school, and how he'll survive there I seriosly don't know how. This is the year if we want to make things right, i kept telling my SIL. She needs to be stronger, show who's the boss and start reprimanding him for his mistakes. Reprimanding in a way taking his play time or tv time if he doesn't finish his homework or cut his allowance if he keep slacking in his studies. And whip if necessary. She has to enforce this because she's their mama. At the end I'm doing it, I'm doing all the dirty job, not that I mind but i'm becoming 'cruella de ville' here. Everytime I'm trying to set the rules straight like not to eat in the room then comes their uncles who will completely ignores it and I don't blame them either coz that's how they were brought up. My SIL has to wake up and jumpstart her engine. It's still not too late. At the end of the day, the kids will just think...hey..who the hell she think she is?? my mama?? and that's exactly how i'm feeling right now after the row with Muhammad last night. I keep telling or asking myself?? what the hell i'm doing fighting like cats and dogs with a 12yo kid???

The kids are so dependant on mama. They can't even study on their own....yg 2 org umur 12 tahun tu pun the same...and I can't blame them..mama has to be around...the only time they don't need mama is when they're playing or watching tv. When I want them to shower first before taking dinner on school days, my SIL will sometime change it..oohh..it's ok they can have dinner first..no consistency in raising them. I believe instructions from parents must work concurrently, one should only act as a pacifier and not to incite or show disagreement openly.

There's so much I want to do with the kids. I want to bring them to movies and trust me they don't even know what is MPH let alone Kinokuniya. Bring them to movies is a taboo for my SIL. Her perspective is not to expose them to these things. I would rather do these thing with them than knowing later that they've sneak out because they want to be cool like other kids..u know watch movies..lepaks at McDonalds..etc..etc... I'd rather introduce them to the world of karaoke and not by some other punks in school. I want them to have balance in life. But at the end of the road the conclusion is they're not my birth children and I'm not their mama and never will be.

They's done miraculously in hafazan and quran reading but somebody gotta teach them about the real world. And that person should be their parents and in my case-my SIL. If only I can reach out to her.. but as usual and always my views don't count. I'm the bad apple of the family....