Friday, November 24, 2006

Kak Long's grieve

Maybe it's not meant to be. I pray that my Kak Long will go through this pain with a strong heart. She lost it. She had a miscarriage. She was bleeding heavily and was brought to the hospital at 4am in the morning. Somewhere in the late morning Mom received the bad news. She didn't even have to do D&C, totally all came out.

She was hospitalized and expected to be release tomorrow. Allah send us the one thing that we've been waiting for, the maid came a week ago and helped a lot in easing us with the house chores. We are so blessed indeed that she's here when we needed her most. So far so good. I hope it will last for the whole contract at least.

Mom thot Kak Long would be best be at her Apartment during her medical leave. I disagree. Who would help her when she needed food or drink? At least if she's at mom's place she can get all the help she needed and have mom to talk too. I'm sure she need Mommy to be by her side more than anyone else for now.

Semoga ada rahmat disebalik dugaan ini. I spoke to soon..I was just on YM with a friend earlier in the week about the 2 babies I'm getting next year from my 2 sistas.

Kak Teh has been a great help for all of us. Maybe she regretted her wrongdoing my mom years ago. Allah send her right at our doorstep when we needed her most. I remembered the time when I got back from UK she was not in talking term with the family. My brother's death brought all of us back together. Alhamdullilah, though it takes death to bring people together, at least we're back together stronger than ever. She has her ups and no one is perfect. I was totally amazed as how my SIL can forget her contributions in bringing up her 3 sons from a baby as small as an adult palm until Zahin n Muhd turn 5 and habib 3 before Abg decided to get a maid. SIL didn't let her brother to bring the kids to her house for Raya. We didn't tell Kak Teh this. Yes SIL was upset that Kak Teh called the current husband 1st wife to ask her opinion on this "payung emas" marriage. But not letting the kids to see her?? What all of us adult here have been doing now in the family is not to expose the kids to any of the feud. We don't want trauma or having them to pick between their mother and the rest of us. It's never in the intention.

My Kak Long said, Intan dia luper intan..Kak Long pernah tanyer dier, macam mana dier mandikan Muhd masa baby dulu, besar tapak tangan jer?? She said Axx tak tau la Kak Long, Kak Teh yg buat sumer..tanyer la Kak Teh..Axx tak jaga Muhd.

Only time can tell..For now please pray for my Kak Long's good health and mom too.

Till my next entry...

P/S : Lap Top IE acces in the office and I've just discovered that to browse my fav blogs and update mine takes about 3 hours. Why I know this?? Coz I'm paying for it a CC....UWAAAAAA...UWAAAAAAA..... lari budget..those days were RM1 for an hour now is the kopak laaaaa...

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Significant 16

16… Somehow or rather 16 is a significant number to the family. Noooo..nothing like lucky or bad.. I don’t believe numbers gives any good or bad luck.

Lemme see..

16th November – Hanzalah’s Birthday.

Happy birthday to you….happy birthday to you…. Happy birthday to hanzzzz…. Happy birthday to you!!!!!!

He is one year old today. May you grow up to be a wise and a great khalifah.

16th November also is the day where Zahin and Muhd got their UPSR result. And alhamdullilah…. Both of them got 5A’S. Soooooooooo happy for them…

I’ve decided for the sake of the kids I’m gonna make a straight voice and face to talk with SIL. Maybe there’s a reason after all on why things happening when I’m not around. I told my brother that let me do this for the sake of the kids. Biarlah orang nak panggil talam dua muka ker or aper ker… because I want them to know that Abah’s family will always be there for them no matter what happen and she knows we’re here to stay. I called their mom around noon to check on the result, but she said it will be available only late afternoon. So I said please call or sms which ever is easier once she has it. Did I get any calls or sms’s? None… It’s ok though coz I expected this to happen.

I only got a call from her brother and father. Got Muhd’s cell phone number and I called to congratulate. Mom and I were on our way home from her acupuncture treatment when we receive this news. As expected the result will spark sadness in mom…she immediately saw her son’s shadow of love. She cried..I let her cry..did not say a word.

What else is there happening with 16?

16th August – My late bro’s anniversary. Now I guess SIL have 2 dates to remember, that is if she remembers.

16th March – SIL’s birthday

16th Syaaban – The day He took my brother out from this world.

16th December – Muhammad’s birthday

16th January – Zahin’s birthday

16 indeed is a number filled with memories of happiness and sadness.

Happy 1st Birthday Hanzalah

Monday, November 13, 2006

The Unexpected Visit

Once upon 14years ago..... (picture have been removed on the request of the bride)

On Sunday morning the controversial SIL came by with the kids and allies, I would assume for Raya visit. How cruel can that be?? Only allowing the kids to see the grandmother on the 20th day of Raya.

She went back to KT for the whole 1st week of Raya and only made an effort to call us on the first day of Raya. When she came back, the weekend next was to introduce her newly wed husband to the neighborhood and check this out… one of her allies actually lied to one of her invited guest by saying my brother attended the function and had gone home!!! Allah is Great, that guest happen to know my cousin and the whole thing just blurt out. They were invited to the house and SIL mentioned “dtg la ader surprise” That guest was obviously surprised indeed and gob smacked by the whole thing.

I came back from work, my cousin called me up to tell me what happen. Didn’t complete the conversation, my battery died and in that instance I had to pull over..bloody police man saw me on the phone without my handsfree. Damn!! Was my fault anyway… So I got stopped and alhamdullilah did not get a ticket. But I had to answer whether or not I can settle the whole thing by “belanja them officers makan”

Lose the badge...moron!!! Bebas rasuah konon… And what did I say…

Encik saya memang tak nak kena saman, kalau encik tanya saya laaa.. tapi saya jugak tak boleh nak belanja makan sebab nie dah macam rasuah… kalau itu yang encik nak..baik lah encik saman saya..

He handed over my I.C and reminded me not to do this again. I said thanks and apologized and agreed it was my mistake. Phewww!!! Kalau tak terbang RM150… but either way I felt good for not giving into them… cam skema gitu kan??

Anyway back to the unexpected visit, my sister actually chased my SIL out of the house. Yes ladies and gentlemen, that’s my Big Sister… She was the closest to my late brother, she felt disgusted when my SIL first voiced out her intention to get married by telling her a hadith which goes somethin’ like –

Kalau ada yang lebih baik, go on and marry him. Was this guy so much better than my brother? Only Allah knows…. And btw, in this hadith, that other better man, was Rasullulah himself which of course at that point of time is every woman’s dream to be the wife to the greatest man on earth.

What she did not do was to finish the hadith – Tetapi kalau ia adalah seorang ibu tunggal yang sanggup berkorban untuk membesarkan anak-anaknyer, tempatnya nanti adalah disisi Rasullulah S.A.W

If anyone reading has the complete version, please do fill in my comments, I would really appreciate it.

Dan bermacam-macam fatwa lah yg dikeluarkan while on the verge of getting married. That she did not need her father’s permission for being a widow laa… don’t need him as a wali la…and macam-macam la lagie. Well I’m not gonna argue on this as I myself am not an expert.

The kids alhamdullilah did not see this whole scenario. As soon as they salam Wan, they ran up to the TV room.

Before my SIL saw my mom, my sister spills the bean. Her tears drop. Her motherly instinct sensed that SIL had married but she was in denial. Now the truth has come… Mom redha…..

For some unknown reason I’m always not around when these things happen. Zahin again dropped his tears, Summaiyah even though she’s only 7..her facial expression can be clearly define. Mom did not want to add salt on to fresh wound..she didn’t ask questions like, what do you call him, or is Mashitah sleeping in between them at night… she don’t want to put them in an awkward wise of her… all she said was to all the kids that they must behave and take care of themselves.

I called her brother today. I felt that I had to apologize on behalf of my sister. I’m not condoning her act but I’m also trying to understand her frustrations. When anger take over our sanity, everything is possible… He understood and told me that her sister and her allies deserve it.

Till my next scribbles…salam and peace to all

Thursday, November 09, 2006


Like the unpredictable morning highway traffic, my life too has been bumpy and unpredictable especially for the last 5 years.

I did not predict in my early childhood that I will be working abroad alone as soon as I past my quarter of decade birthday. But I did.

I did not predict that at this age I will still be single and no kids, because only that who knows me knows how much I love em’. And I’m still single.

I did not predict that I will lost my brother at his early age of 36, I always thought that all of us will at least grow ripe together and not until I’m married the elder siblings will keep bugging me because to their mind I’m a gone case. But he went away without notice.

I did not predict that my innocent looking Sister in Law whom we love dearly, who knew my late brother until his time of death was 23years in which 13 was their married life will re-marry in less than a year after his death. A sister unlike my 2 other rebellious sisters whom I thought will forever love my brother dearly, whom I thought won’t ever disobey her parents, but she did. She got married far away on the east coast without her parents consent. Yes she did. Apakah pesanan arwah yang masih terngiang-ngiang di telinga on that last Friday? Jagalah maruah dia. Thank you sis, thank you kerana menjatuhkan maruah abang saya dan tolong jangan jadikan alasan bahawasanya Abang telah meninggalkan wasiat kepada Ustaz itu to marry you dan juga jangan jadikan anak-anak sebagai alasan. It’s sad to see that there’s no place in your heart saying it’s not ok to be no 2. I would have not imagine in a million years that you have a heart to rip another woman and 2 young kids happiness just to fulfill yours. But you just did it.

Zahin, my first nephew cried and cried while my sister and brother spoke to him about situations. He's only 12... I wish I was there when they spoke to him. It was important that he knows that despite all the things happening, he can always come to Abah's family for help and that nothing will change, our love will be the same..he's a victim of the situation. I feel his tears even in my absence. At least at the age of 12 I had a father, I'm sure he did not predict that Abah will only be around during the first 11years of his life and before reaching 13, he will have a step father. But it happen...

I never thought my mom would be diagnose with RA at an early age of 63. Never came across my mind that she would never again cook for us that delicious home cooking. All we can get from her now is instructions on how to cook a dish and despite the right ingredients and methods I still don’t get her taste, her passion, her aroma…..somehow or rather my satisfaction is not fulfilled. But I thank my sister for cooking us that scrumptious meal for Raya. Great effort sis.. I would not be able to cook all those meals, even if I tried.

One thing I’m sure and predicted is that my Abah won’t change. I was alone when I fisrt saw the Petronas advert for Raya..I cried buckets.. I had no one that I can share this moment with. The next day I told my mom about it...Sometimes after Isya, I got a text.."dah tengok..mum and me nangis wooo" I ran downstairs to see my sis and mum..sedihkan mie?? hahaaa..tu la uncle helmi cousin abah no wonder he looks familiar. But what I'm trying to point here is..I dun want to do that to my matter how he was or is to us. Sometimes people outside the family do not understand our situation. Abah can be so nice to strangers but have a never ending revenge towards his family. For the whole month of Holy Ramadan despite doing the saum and terawih all he has in words for our cousin is how nasty is his children and wife and the unimaginable cursed. Bukankah kata-kata seorang bapa itu adalah satu doa? I hope one day Allah will show him the right path and that we’re not as bad as he think and mommy is a good mom and wife. For now, my siblings and I will do our level best to entertain him and at the same time take care the jewel of the family.

Life’s so unpredictable or almost all of it are. Despite all this I’m counting my blessing for having a mother and father, for having sisters to argue with at the same time knowing that I can count on them in my time of needs, for having a brother to listen on when I need a listening ear and not “I told you so”, for having 7 wonderful nephews and nieces, for having wonderful friends online and not online, for finally having a job that I’m happy with though I think I should earn more, for being born a Muslim though I have lots of catching up to do, for the only 1 ex I had who taught me what love and relationship is all about… and for all those wonderful memories sweet and sour of my life.

My life would be meaningless without it and the people around me, past, present and future.

Thank you..thank you..syukran..jazakallahukhairan….

Till my next entry I would like to end this with my usual better late than never wishes,

Selamat Hari Raya & Maaf Zahir Batin to all my fellow bloggers and readers.. errr..ader kerr??

1. Anggerik Merah
2. Aunty N
3. Ayong
4. Azer Mantessa
5. Bertique
6. BTB Bro
7. Boogie
8. Blackfeline Sis
9. Bro Hero
10. Cosmic Gurl
11. Dayang Zone
12. Freex n Geex
13. Gab
14. Gravtkills
15. Bro Idham
16. Intan the SING Goddess
17. Isas
18. Itote
19. Jade aka Jar Miow
20. Jlop Jollie
21. Kak Teh
22. Kak Lady
23. Lollies the Doha Goddess
24. MadameRosse
25. Mak Andeh
26. Mak Lang
27. Mak Nenek
28. Mama Rock
29. Merapu Man
30. Nadia
31. Ninuk
32. NoreMourinho
33. Nour
34. NzN
35. Pak Adib
36. Pokku
37. Romancing The Stone
38. Sheryl
39. Sue Ixora
40. Sya the Kakak Bowling
41. TruBlue
42. Twisted Joe
43. Not forgetting..Kak Elle in SING & Kak Lady in SA

Not forgetting too my EFX2 buddies...

1. Dory
2. Elisa Taufik the Al-Khobar Goddess
3. FamyGirl
4. LazyDaisy79
5. Yes..lollies again..:)
6. Moonlite
7. Nadia
8. Nonah
9. Offlionandbear
10. OndeOnde
11.Primary Basic
12. Rotidua

A sms that I send before Eid which was not invented by me, but I kinda like the words.

Ada saat
Mata silap melihat
Telinga salah mendengar
Lidah terlanjur berkata
Fikiran khilaf menafsir
Hati silap menduga

Mohon maaf dan ampun sempena Syawal yang mulia