Alone

Last week I watched Fantastic Four ALONE....

Few days later my hormons urging me to grab that cheesey dip-licious pizza and I went, ALONE

Today I watched the awesome beyond words Transformers ALONE too..Aku tengah membayangkan kekalau ader producer memana nak buat film on my another fav 80's cartoon - JEM and the HOLOGRAMS...ingat tak? ingat? Jem is my name..no one else is the same..JEM is my name...our songs are better....hahhahaaa..tgk I still remember..

Nasib I cancelled my intention to grab kopi at the Kopitiam after the movie or it will again be an ALONE rendezvous...can we rendezvous alone? Why not ehh... killer coffee and one fantastic book..I can be in my own world.

Keyword here is ALONE.

When people ask..eh..tgk wayang? pie ngan saper?

Sorang laaa..

Ler ajak ler kawan...

"Sengeh cam kerang busuk" takper dah biaser..

How do I explain to people that it's ok to do things alone. I thot my circle of friends are vast, but everytime I want to do something, simple thing like watching movies or when I need to satisfy my craving for food...I go through my phone list and all I see....

married

married

married

boyfriend in town for 6 months

on confinement

busy with kids

and many many other reasons...

So I gave up waiting and I understood.

For the past 5 or 6 years or so I've been doing it alone. Macam sedih jer bunyikan?

Sedih is when I think kalau umur aku panjang I'll grow old without a companion dan dah tentu menyusahkan abang aku,kaka aku ker adik aku ker or if I die young I will loose the privilege of having a child praying for my wellbeing in the world hereafter.

When I broke up 7 years ago with my only, I repeat the only boyfriend, I didn't shed a tears. For some reason, dah takder air mata nak mengalir. Some people said break-ups can naturally make you slim down. Unfortunately not for me. But jinx la that guy, sampai skrg tak leh carik replacement. Some friends were telling me go and get some shaman to check on me, perhaps my ex cast a spell on me..like if I dun get you, no one can. And I said, pleeaassseee laaaa....like aku nie some big shot supermodel kerr...Queen Latifah pun lagie seksi dari aku wooo...

Lepas tu I ran ALONE abroad. When I came back, still people ask me, takder ker yg melekat? If only finding our otherhalf is like buying an apple off the rack, it's more like finding a needle in haystack. Selak saner selak sini..tak jumper jumper gak....sigh...

Mom aku pernah tanyer, why la I stuck with that ex of mine for 7 years? I said, mom I'm an uglyduckling and in order for my kids to be a beautiful swan lake, so my other half must me taller, slimmer, fairer and plus he has dreamy brown eyes and a real kissable lips.. With that killer looks and heart like mine...that genes combination would be a bomb!!! Haaahahhahahaaaa.... Mom gave up...suker hati laahhh..

What is it I'm trying to tell actually??...Lost track... Ohh...ingat.

I brought my Abah to his hospital appointment today, it's my turn or more like atas arahan - Yang Maha Mulia KakLong....but I was more than happy to do it ..got a reason to take a day off.

Alhamdullilah. he's ok. BP was a slightly higher than his last visit. Imagine if Abah didn't have kids to bring him for his check-up. Imagine me kalau panjang umur macam tu tapi takder anak. Hmmm....scary

I watched my Abah getting down from the car, going from one counter to another at the hospital, I'm glad HE knock some senses in me on accepting my Abah the way he is. When I was younger well not that young, every single things that he does I will scrutinized him to bit. Never on a same wavelength...kalau ingat ingat balik..Ya Allah..ampunkan lah dosa aku nie...menimbun-nimbun!!

The point is, Insya Allah he'll not be ALONE.

As for me? Only time can tell...

BTW, tks for all the comments for my previous post and happy to tell that I've spoken about 8-10 words to her today and she responded...yeyyy....It was not an apology or weeper drama queen nangis nangis but it's a start for me... :)