Mind at ease

The past 2 weeks has been a turmoil for me,the first for 2006. Thank you to all who commented on my last entry. I truly appreciate it and I'm blessed to have so much support from the virtual friends.

Everything happened all at the same time. It has made me look behind and search the why's of all that's boiling in me now.

For the first time in my working life I actually understood the word "demoralized". All this while I've been hearing it from almost everyone and all I could say was..sabar,sabar, rezeki ada kat maner-maner. But after what happened to me, I can relate myself to this word so closely that I can feel my inner feelings crushed terribly and hit my ground zero to the maximum. I felt vulnerable, useless to the point of breaking down every now and then. I was so defensive towards everybody. I had pretencious smile all day long but yet it can't hide my frowning lines. It's worst than my first and only pathetic love ending relationship..i tell ya!! It crushed me so bad that I hated morning because it means I have to dragged my big ass to work. The domestic issues aren't helping much either. Why ohhh..why...didn't everything turn out the way I'd expected it to be??

My 2 friends came back from London at time when I needed them the most. They are my soul friends. With them I feel calm, serene and I have clearer mind now just by listening to their words of wisdom. Many times I tried to call them Kakak as how they wanted me too..but after calling 'cikgu' for 2 years my tongue just refused to budge. I'm taking all the opportunities to spend time with them for the next 5 weeks. They spend 10 months in the Kingdom and 2 months in KL, I'm glad that in my time of distress they're here to ease the pain. I spend the whole weekend including Monday with them. I felt energised and ready to bounce back from my distress limbo.

The 2 doa's that I've been reciting in facing my distress moments taught by them...

O Allah please make it simple, dun make it difficult. (Rabbiyassir, Wallatuasir)

There is no God but You, Glory to You, verily I was one of the wrongdoers.
(Laillahaillahanta, Subbhanakka Inni Kuntumminazzalimin)

Decision has been made. And I live with one principal in life - what's goes around, comes around, one day you're up and the next day you could be wheeled down there. I have 3 months to decide on my options and alhamdullilah I'm on the right track..I just hope I can make the right decisions.

My only concern now is how I need to go through the next 3 months. It's going to be an agony for me, I hope the offer coming is willing to wait for my notice or maybe I should abscond myself?? Hmmm...after the shit pace my GM put me through maybe I should. Nahhh...it's just not me. The industry it's too small for me to do such thing. Words get out fast and it would definately damage my reputation. So I guess I have to stick to my notice after all.

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Last week I got a call from Bob. He called about one of my nephew. He's interested in his voice. I immediately remembered that couple of months ago I brought them to this voice over audition. He was really keen on Habib and wanted him to do the voice over for the lead character of this latest animation. Total of 26 episodes. I was excited...yayy!!! finally he called!!!

Called my SIL, emmm..she sounded ok on the phone. The weekend came, I was at the office and called SIL to check on Habib. I wanted to know where I should pick Habib up. And all she could say was - talk to Habib..as soon as I opened my mouth, Habib cried and she just said, how?? he's crying.. i just said ok and hung up. Pissed!!! How can a mother let an offer so good just passed by...why can't she make an effort to talk it over with Habib. It's not free yoo..it's good money and recording only done in weekend. I was just utterly dissapointed. I guess she didn't need the money... money has been easy for her nowadays..in fact it look much easier since my bro's death. hhmmm...that's bad thot...get it out..get it out...evil..evil...

My mom could not help it but to call Habib and asked why? He simply replied that he wanted to, but he wants mama to bring him, but mama just don't have the time. Good gosh!!!

I guess I can never understand my SIL as a mother...

Looking at the bright side, I got myself an audition this Sunday. Yay!! no high hopes, just to see some hidden talent somewhere maybe??

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Another good news, there'll be another wedding bells this August. Hmmm...the 2nd in 8 months..now this is infectious. Congratulations to my big sis and may Allah bless her with a happy marriage.

Errr...that leaves me the only single in the family..oouuccchhh!!! that would not look good for this year Raya..dang!!!