Of hoping and PMS post..

The deafening silence situation with my mom is almost becoming unbearable. Vice versa, not getting it from my kak long is giving me a peace of mind. Tranquility beyond imagination.

I'm a terrible person so kak long said. And she knows just how to push the button a lil' bit deeper. Weeks ago after the incident with my mom, she called me up while I was having lunch at work and nag..nag...nag...

Surprise..surprise..I was totally calm..hell I'd surprise myself. It wasn't because I had people around me but because I had enough.

I had enough of my siblings telling me that I'm a gone case...

I had enough of my siblings telling me that I NEVER contribute anything to the family..

I had enough of my siblings telling me all my mistakes which they themselves are doing it...

I had enough of my siblings telling me that I made my mom cry when each and everyone of them have done that and still doing it at times...

I had enough of my siblings telling me what are the consequences of being "anak tak dengar kata" when they are also the "anak tak dengar kata" in some situations...

I had enough of my siblings telling me that I'm not a good muslim, just because of the blunders I did in my life or because I did not see the light after performing the Umrah and that the trip was a waste of money...

I just had about enough....I love my family..honestly..really...but sometimes I prefer being far away from them. Distance makes the love grow fonder,being far make me feel more at home....

I think I perform better as a daughter/siblings when I'm far away. It's really depressing when you have siblings that think they have been doing more than the rest.

Since when doing something for your love ones become something measurable than an act of sincerity??

I miss having small talks with mommy. I still wish her formally when I see her at the patio upon leaving the house or vice versa.

I can't help but to recall the last phone conversation I had with kak long...nag..nag..nag...about my personal life, family and all...I just said..ok..ok...and ok... But when she started to question about my work, I politely told her that if she needed to nag on me about other things ok...but do not touch about my job.

And then she said, it's not easy talking to me, because I would usually answer back then hang up. Yeahh...I know..that's bad.

But that particular afternoon, she was the one who hung up on me.

Usually if it's was me who hung up the phone, it would followed by a SMS drama....

But I didn't bother to do the SMS drama thingy...it's not me. I'm not up to anymore verbal abuse and cat fight and I'm tired being criticized for not being the perfect daughter or the flawless siblings.

After finding out that Nour's mother passed away, I was like...what if it happens to me? Without doubt, I will cry and will have feeling of regrets.....

Off course to few people that I confide on this they all give me the same advise... and I think you guys know what it is. It's the most logical advise, I would have given the same advise given the same situation. And I totally agree with all of them.

Not a moment went by without thinking of her. I find myself keeping busy just to take me away from thinking so much about it. I've become a freakin weeper!!! When I'm alone I weep over small things....the sad story line on tv, when reading newspaper..almost about everything..I even weep when I saw P.Diddy's performing at the Concert for Diana..can you dig that?? I can't either...though I try to contained it within me only. Can't let it go in public ehh....

Without my mom, I think I will be at loose end.....the fact that I'm not talking to her but just seeing her made me feel all intact.

This time I'm going to follow my hunch like I always do, something good will turn out from this..I'm positive and that my mom will find her way to forgive me and I will crawl up to her and beg for forgiveness.

Do I make sense? Am I tempting fate here? What if...what if... I'm not going to think about it..she's my pillar of strength even if she always put me down about my weight, she's my world greatest mom....

Every cloud has a silver lining...

And I keep telling myself that...

Oh Allah, please make it easy and not make it difficult...Rabbi yasir walatuassir..

Health babbling

Once upon a time long long ago....

Day 1

A - Eh..u know I went to see the doctor about this..etc...etc...blaa...blaa... then he advised to see gaini.

B - Hmm..I heard the gaini in this hospital is quite good..reliable...so and so....

Few days later....

A - Ehhh..where you went? not feeling well ka?

C - No lah...just went to see my gaini for the usual check up..

A - Ehh...you also pegie jumper gaini kaa?? which hospital?

C - Hospital so and so...

A - Famous yaa dr gaini...she's everywhere...

C - Ehh..mestila all women must see dr gaini niee..

A - "Dalam hati" I must see who is this famous gaini...

Another couple of days later...A went to the said hospital,

A - Excuse me..saya nak jumper dr gaini. Is she around?

Receptionist - Ader. Have you made any appointment? Gaini maner yg cik nak jumper?

A - Alaaa..dr gaini yg famous tu..byk kawan I jumper dier..

Receptionist - Err...gaini ader byk cik..which one do u wish to see?

A - Errr..gaini ader byk? wht do you mean ader byk?

Receptionist - "Senyum senget" Oooo...cik, I think you've misunderstood...gaini means

GYNAECOLOGIST, Doktor pakar sakit puan...Itu bukan nama cik.."senyum sumbing"

A - ooo....err..if that's the case you just book me with the best laa..."control macho"

Muahahaaaaa...muahahhaaaa....tu la perasan terer lagi....

Ok back to a more serious note...

I read the recent news about our drama queen actress Azean Irdawaty who already had her surgery to remove the lump and is now undergoing chemo.

May she fight this disease with a strong heart and may Allah protect her from any distress for He knows best...

We seem to take health issue lightly, time may have changed, technology have gone up by major scale but our people mentality on health is still at the shallow end. I for one have to admit this. "head down"

I remembered receiving a letter from my GP in UK in the year 2003 about my pap smear test. I was suppose to go for my 2nd check-up as they found a small cyst which they have taken some cell to do further test. At that time they told me that it was nothing to worry about.

I did not return for my 2nd check-up as I've flown back to KL and did not attempt to do so in KL after my mom got a shocked of her life that I took the pap smear test.

Being a semi conventional mother she is, she was like...eh pegi pap smear?? U are not married yet, why you do that? Did you know that they have to stick it in?

I said, yes mom, and for you information, all the girls in UK gets a letter from their GP on this test as soon as they finished high school.

Then I add on, takkan la org yg tak kawin sampai umur 50 don't need to get the test?? This disease is not only for married women kan Mie??

She just kept quiet. And I did not pursue with any follow up till now. No..I'm not blaming my mom for her lack in knowledge on this.

I just did not expect to look it at that angle - anak dara tak leh buat pap smear nanti pecah dara....Didn't expect that.. Has some sense in that... I dunno...anyone has opinion on this?

Anyway it's my body, I should have been more persistent.

I shall look into this pronto and also I've to do my mammogram, which I've never done before.

Anyone can recommend any reputable and reliable Gynae? Mind sharing it with me?

Since we're on health talk here, they say - You are what you eat... Research shows that the many diseases occuring now that was rarely heard couple of decade ago is due to the food we eat. How far true is this?

Lets see the picture and explanation below...



Something to ponder....

Fast and easy microwave cooking for you?
Read and you decide...

Subject: Microwaved Water - What does it do to you?

Posted by Ms. Nenah Sylver....

Below is a science fair project that my granddaughter did for 2006.
In it she took filtered water and divided it into two parts.
The first part she heated to boiling in a pan on the stove, and the
second part she heated to boiling in a microwave. Then after cooling
she used the water to water two identical plants to see if there
would be any difference in the growth between the normal boiled water
and the water boiled in a microwave. She was thinking that the
structure or energy of the water may be compromised by microwave.

As it turned out, even she was amazed at the difference.

I have known for years that the problem with microwaved anything is not
the radiation people used to worry about, it's how it corrupts the DNA
in the food so the body cannot recognize it. So the body wraps it in
fat cells to protect itself from the dead food or it eliminates it fast.
Think of all the Mothers heating up milk in these "Safe" appliances.
What about the nurse in Canada that warmed up blood for a transfusion
patient and accidentally killed them when the blood went in dead.

But the makers say it's safe. Never mind then, keep using them.
Ask your Doctor. I am sure they will say it's safe too.

Proof is in the pictures of living plants dying.
Remember YOU are also Living. Take Care.

--------------------------------------------------

And I just finished my mid year appraisal with my boss.

Hear this...on of my objective...

Is to reduce 8kgs by mid next year....boleh kaaa?? Like it has anything to do with my work performance.

But being the usual me, I took it positively and proudly nyer nak announce that I've been going jogging for the past 3 weeks on my off day.

Ok so that's just once a week..but it's a start yeahh...And I jogged non-stop for 35minutes...wow!!! The 5 months of walking to and fro the lrt station has definitely paid off.

Next swimming...anyone wants to join. Skarang dah ader burkini.

Untuk mat-mat yang bacer, burkini yee...bukan bikini okehh!!!

WTH!!!!!

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Macam tetiba panic attack!!! wtf!!! all my entries...

jeng..jeng...jeng...


after 48hours it was ok..


pheww...

---------------------------------------------------------





I'm always behind when it comes to reading newspaper. I read yesterday's paper today. Well at least I'm reading it.

My heart weep and tears streaming down my cheek when I saw the pictures above.

What kind of idiot, moron, maniac, crazy human can do this???

These are children for godsake!!!

Take someone your size god dammit!!!

What happen to kind heart?? Where is love when these children need it?? I wish I can have my hands on the caretaker, by god I will.....damn I'm so angry, frustrated, sad.... everything at one time.

I'm glad the Al-Hanan orphans in Baghdad are in better hands now wherever they are.
Now I appreciate my childhood more than ever.

At least the US Soldiers are doing a teeny weeny bit of noble act than taking people's life. Pardon my patriotism...


I hope the caretaker will be punished and rot in hell!!! Scum!!

Read more on these kids here.

Mari belajar spelling....

Today is Monday. Every Monday I teach Basic Adult English to my staffs from 8 - 9am. It's humorous I tell yaaa...My peeps are funny people...ader dari makcik yg dah dah setengah abad sampailah semuda muda 20tahun.

They come from various background..dlm class tu ader minah indon, minah jawa, minah sabah laaa...mek kelate, yg utagha pun by gak, mat nepal, mat myanmar......kira complete la team haku nie..peeps who speaks malay with many accents.

And not surprisingly ada yang I consider quite good considering their level of career for now. I hope they can go far. In my industry, it's necessary.

Anyway, after my recap English class yang 3 weeks overdue because of the banjir, they had a morning briefing before starting their daily work.

So today, of all days AM aku nak brief pasal spelling. Aku pun observe laa.. It was one of the funniest briefing ever...serious...I usually don't let myself go infront of my peeps...malu la kan...

AM tu cakap,

Hari ini saya nak briefing pasal you all punyer spelling dalam loss and breakages book..saya tak tau macamana A buat monthly inventory for this OPE, tapi kalau saya dah lama give up...

No. 1 - Ashtray

Macam maner nak sebut??

Ashtray yer...

So ader yg dgn bersusah payah lah berusaha nak sebut...

"B" macamana sebut?

Asstray..

Haaaa....asstrayy??

Haaa..ass?? aaa..kiss my ass....ass tu pungkok aku!!!

Sebut lagi semua...ashtray...


ASSHHHHHTRAYYYYY.....

Ok...macamane nak eja??

Bukan,

Estray,

Bukan,

Astry

Bukan,

Axtray,

Tetapi,

ASHTRAY......boleh sumer??

Bolehh!!!!

Next - Hi Ball Glass

Spelling dier bukan,

Hibo Glas,

Bukan,

HBG,

Bukan

Hi b galss

Bukan,

H/Boll,

Bukan,

Heibow,

Bukan,

Ebol

Dan Bukan,

Hasbull...

One staff interuppted...

Cik UBA, tu Hasbullah Awang tu....

Aku nak gelak ke tak nak????

Spelling dier sumer adalah...

Hi Ball Glass

Boleh sumer???

BOLEHH!!!

Next we have - Tumbler

Bukan,

Tumblur,

Bukan,

T.Gllas,

Bukan,

Tumble..

Aku pun interrupt,

Tumble tu tergolek ok??

OOOOO....

Macam maner eja nie??

T U M B L E R....

Good....


AM aku pun continue...

Nie..niee...aper nie??? saper bleh explain??

Saose

Saya agak-agak lah..I think it's saucer...tolong yer...ejaan dier bukan saose..


Itulah sekitar our briefing this morning...

But top this ladies and gentlemen....last but not least yg buat aku gelak tergolek-golek...


"SAWANG KENTANG"


Saper tau??


Anyone can figure this out?


Dah tau?

Teka laaa??



Jengg..jengg...jengg....


It's suppose to be....


SHOWER CURTAIN!!!

Aku tak tau laa..indon ker jawa ker, kelantan ker or saper saper laaa...but shower curtain became

sawang kentang???


Beat that..guys.... sesapa ader maid indon cuber tanyer...

Really...I love my peeps..sometimes they make me angry, they make me sad, they make me feel hopeless..but best of all they can also make me laugh like crazy...

Sampai biler2 aku akan ingat sawang kentang nie....





Remember my fellow bloggers....the above is shower curtain and not sawang kentang...

10 simples pleasures tagged

Sis Tynna tagged me not too long ago...sorry sis for the delay..better late then never..they say...

Here goes...

1) To take a year break and travel the world backpacking without having to worry about any bills. And a job to come back to...

2) Time and financial permits to take short breaks, go somewhere and do my own thing at my own time. No rushing for lunch, dinner or having to get up for breakfast. Lie down under the stars, read books, sleep with the wind blowing brushing my skin or do a pirated dvd's marathon.

3) To be able to eat and not gaining a pound...

4) To give my mom all the money in the world so she won't fret on me over small things

5) To find my soul mate who accepts me unconditionally and get hooked within 3 months.....and the rest is history..

6) A fully paid fully furnished penthouse in KL Triangle so I can walk to work...

7) SMART tunnel to work so I dun have to push that damn water again.

8) Come back to a fully home theatre tv set complete with latest technologies in a sound proof room, a high speed internet and a lap top.

9) Live and work abroad and come back for holiday to this hot beautiful country of mine..Malaysia

10) That I will have a chance to get my parents ultimate forgiveness for all my shortcomings and a chance to give them a better life.

Ya ok...some might not come true..but hey..we'll never know...

Anyone out there willing to make no 1 come true..hehhh..hehhh