You know when at one point of life where nothing else matters?? Where you live day in and day out only for HIM. Gone are the days where what others said matters to me. Any constructive critiscm I will definitely take and improve where, when and how I can and to those who criticizes pointlessly and endlessly just because they’re feeling high and mighty, PISSED OFF!!!
Afternoon chat on the phone with me Mom
Me – How are you today..feeling better..ader exercise tak??
Mom – Ok…ader..mummy buat
Me – Saper tu?? Anyone came by?
Mom – Blaaaa…blaaa.. blaaa.. came
Me – Ohh…ok mummy dah makan
Mom – Dah..tadi kak long bought for me fillet burger
Me – Ok..Mie, today I’ll be back a lil’ bit late yaaa…coz Hapiz’s wife gave birth, so nak pie jenguk la yer..
Mom – Ok..u better tell Kak Long
Me – Hmmm..err..ok
5 minutes to 8pm phone chat with Kak Long at the locker, just after my maghrib.
She – What time you’re coming back?
Me – Ohh..slightly late skit..I told mom already..I nak pie hospital see my friend who just gave birth.
She – *Sigh and look at me I’m talking to you tone* Look where is you priority?? Is your friend much important than mom??
Me - *Stunned* *Blood pressure naik* Eeehh..aper nie??? Org nak pie tgk my fren kat hospital jer and I already told mom.
She – Oohh..you friend is so important is it? Who’s going to do the physio with mom?
Me – Laaa..balik I’ll do laa..
She – Ohh..mom will be too tired by then
Me – Ok..so why can’t you do it for me then? *Raised voice* So you cannot do it when you come back at 9?
She – Ohhh..u know this is the problem with you… u always want to raised your voice when I tell you something.
Me – Because you don’t listen..now I’m asking you why you cannot do it at 9 when u come back?
She – Intan, I have to go to Terawih and I have my own home..
Me – Ohh…I see..own home..
She – You see?? You see?? That’s your problem!!! Semua kawan..all your friends..
Me – Is easy for you to say kan?? Because you now have a freakin’ husband!!
Slammed down the phone…
Ring again….refused to pick up… Bzzz..Bzzz… sms came in
The SMS drama begins…
She – Pikir sendiri mane yang lebih penting. Ibu atau kawan? And keep d answer to ur self.
Received and Read…Think…This time I’m not backing out….She will have a piece of my mind..
Me – Dan piker mane lebih penting seorg perempuan pergi solat at the mosque or at home with the mom especially when the husband not around. U think ok. I’m adjusting my life to the best I can, all I need is a little appreciation not a condemning word 4 everything that dun go your way.
She – U and ur attitude!! Semuga Allah tunjukkan jalan yg lurus. Wat time you get back will tell mummy ur priorities. Simple. Don ever question abt the absence of my husband. U don know wat yur talking abt.
Me – ATTITUDE? Look who’s talking, ms perfectionist n control freak n everything is yur way or no way. I know my priorities. If you find it difficult to do physio with mom 2nite, it’s ok then. At least now I know…
She – Suker hati kau la. Do ur way and enjoy it.
Me – Yeah..that’s d best..U do yur way n we do our way n we can stop harassing each other n be nice for mom n whatever years balance of our life ahead.
She – Patut la Adoi kata ur “gone case”. I defend u, but now I think I was wrong. Adoi was really right. Do wat u want n like and don’t be ungrateful.
Me – Defend me? Tq la if u did. Really appreciate it. N u know wht? Dun bother 2 say wht others said about me bcoz I dun care heck about it! Intan ingat pesanan abang intan, something good dun always end good n vice versa.
She – Suker ati la..Muga umur pjg to prove it..
Me – I dun need to prove anything 2 anyone n pretend 2b who I’m not! Suker hati lu nak kutuk ke nak per ke. Asalkan bahagia dan puas hati…
She – Jazakallahukhairankhathira. Assalamualaikum.
Me – Wajazakallaukhairan. Waalaikumsalam
Finally….the SMS drama ends…
I reached home about 10.30pm and popped into the kitchen. What did I see?? A whole big pile of dirty dish waiting for me to be wash..heeehh..talked about revenge ehh….And who broke fast at home tonite?? My younger sis and her husband and Big Sis prolly came in just before 8pm because of her work nature.
So none of them can actually wash those dirty piles because I HAD to do some work contributions for that day…
Laugh to myself and happily rolled up my sleeve and wash..wash…wash…
I had enough of her bitching and nagging…. For cryin’ out loud..people have feelings.. My baby sister is lucky now that she has a husband, she has all the right reason to get away from this nasty situation… I remembered before she was married, everytime she argued with the HER, she will say..
Long….don’t be condescending sgt laaa…. Org lain pun ader perasaan gak..
I’m counting my blessings with the family I have though, which if my SIS didn’t realized.. I don’t have any siblings who’s on drugs or have drinking problem or living off with the parents money..each and everyone of us are successful in our own way not necessarily monetary wise. Even with the fights that our parents went through and sometimes still happen now… my mom did not get physically abused by my dad and all of us turn out ok.. with an exception of me la agaknyer..since both my brother and sis that I’m a goner… whatever la….
Can I not question why she chose not to call my brother to come home from his 40days mission and share the responsibility of taking care of my mom? Is it because he is doing a noble cause and our work is just not so noble??
Spare my lack of knowledge in religious issues, but is it not the son’s responsibility to take care of the parents?
Her reason?? Ohhh..what can he do? He stays in Puchong, the kids goes to school so it’s difficult for him to come everyday.
Is it??? Reason…reason…reason…
How far is puchong from SA… prolly about 25minutes drive when there’s no traffic. Plus his wife is a SAHM. For the time being until things settle down or when the maid arrives, why can’t he stay in SA. He can drive the kids to school every morning and stay at that area since his office is also there, and at least the wife in my mom’s place can help to care of my mom… reasonable?? But can I suggest that??? Noooo…my brother and her husband is in such noble cause where mom is not the priority as per the Sis.
But it’s ok u know..friends giving birth vs 40days of noble mission...nothing in comparison…
My baby sis makes an effort to come on week days infact everyone of us makes this little efforts for our mom. But when someone comes in and think that she is the superior of all and does the bulk of it….guess how that will turn out..
Usually after this drama episodes I would usually cry..and ask myself what is it people wants me to do or to be then go to my mom, mom will pacify me by saying..
Dah laa…dah laaa..buat pekak jer…whatever it is she’s your big sister..remember that she has done a lot for you and all the adik-adik..…
So what about our contributions?? What about our contributions when she flew to State to further her degree not on scholar?? Did she knew the trouble that mom had to go through? What all of us went through…Pernah diungkit? No..
What about when she was working in Langkawi for 10years?? Have she asked what we did??
Yes I know I’m the bad apple of the family, but people changed… but they’re not expected to be like how we want them to be..can I ask for my younger sis to be a little bit like me or like the eldest sis? For heaven’s sake she’s 27 and married…let the husband deal with her!!!
But yesterday my mind was clear..and I don’t want to go crying to my mom..she’s already worried as she is now… I said what I needed to say and my conscience is clear..
So tell me all you BIG KAK LONG’S out there…Is it because you have done everything for all of us your “gone case” brats that we have to endure and tolerate your bossiness???
N/B :-
Intan – That’s me
Adoi – My 2nd and only brother left
40days mission – Tabligh brothers they are
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35 comments:
Hmmm, I thought long and hard of what to write in your comment box today. Still nothing came accross my mind.
Siblings squabling is something really stressful. That's an understatement I guess.
Anyway, just do your best to serve your mum and family. Buat pekak aje lah pada orang yang sibuk 'keeping the score'. You can start by not questioning who should do what yourself and just concentrate with what you could do to the best of your ability.
Stay calm and pray a lot to HIM. May Allah gives you strength.
oops, sorry adorable taht you have to out up with the "Kak long". I'm a kak long too, but doesnt matter if kak long or not, it's the attitude that matters...insyaAllah things will turn out fine.
Wuih…. Panjangnya luahan perasaan u … musti geram abis nih… GRRRR….!!!
Being the youngest of 5 siblings, and having a big sis 15 years my senior, I know what it’s like to be in your position. Most ‘Kak Longs’ have the tendencies to be control freaks. It all stem from their innate protective nature, having baby-sat the younger siblings while they were growing up, feeling a little bit maternal at some point or another, slowly developing ideals that paradise for their adiks, would be under the sole of their feet instead of their moms'. Disobedience by the adiks will be considered as penderhakaan. As the adiks grow into adults, and have good careers, and earn good income, and do not need them anymore, they are thrown out of their comfort zones. Their initial feeling of superiority gradually diminished, to be replaced by a certain pang of jealousy and a whole lot of insecurities. This perhaps would cause them to try to assert their authority once more, to tell the world, and their adiks that … HEY! I’M YOUR KAKAK, I KNOW EVERYTHING, SO U LISTEN TO WHAT I SAY NO MATTER WHAT! Typical.
I have learned a long time ago that arguments with my big sis don’t get me anywhere. Why? Because, she’s so much older and therefore cannot change. Dah jadi buluh betong, tak boleh ubah lagi. So, what I do is I psycho-analyse her (like the above) and I find what is it that is wrong in her life that causes her to behave in such a way… When I’ve discovered that, I took solace in the fact that she’s pathetic. Her life’s pathetic. And so, I sympathize with her... Why? Because people like her should be pitied rather than despised. And with that, I am angry no more……
Don't mean to menghasut, just giving u an idea to view or manage your situation differently.
It's a bit difficult here... but sabar yea sis...
just bumped into this..I agree with you 200% sistertyphoon..You put it in a very psychological way :)..it seems we are of the same.. youngest of 5 siblings :). who are most of the time the one who will quietly retreat, observe, put ourselves in other ppl's situation, think, analyze and take lesson of it...Definitely we're different but that's not the reason for us to deal with hostile and break apart right ? :)... Just to let you know sis..Maybe adoi made such remark coz lately he feels that you just can't be bothered about things..It's always one little thing we do that might hurt or touched somebody will give a bad impression..but there's always space and time to mend things. well,it's just my 2 cents.. I leave it to your wisdom to mend things ..but i believe feedbacks from all angle is a good policy. Well Sistertyphoon... it's all about dealing with Human Intelligence and experience it right?? :D..
just bumped into this..I agree with you 200% sistertyphoon..You put it in a very psychological way :)..it seems we are of the same.. youngest of 5 siblings :). who are most of the time the one who will quietly retreat, observe, put ourselves in other ppl's situation, think, analyze and take lesson of it...Definitely we're different but that's not the reason for us to deal with hostile and break apart right ? :)... Just to let you know sis..Maybe adoi made such remark coz lately he feels that you just can't be bothered about things..It's always one little thing we do that might hurt or touched somebody will give a bad impression..but there's always space and time to mend things. well,it's just my 2 cents.. I leave it to your wisdom on how to mend things ..but i believe getting rational feedbacks from all angle is a good policy. Well Sistertyphoon... it's all about dealing with Human Intelligence and experience it right?? :D..
Salam adik,
I'm not Kak Long but Kak Cik in the family...I symphatise in what u have to go through...like the others..tabahkan hati u...ingat Allah...Pray to Him and InsyAllah Dia akan tunjukkan jln yg sebenar2nya...Don't give up taking care of ur mom...About that fillet burger!!! oh dear! it's not so bad food but in order to help Mummy yg sakit it's always best to give her proper and fresh daily homecook food daripada ALL this Junk Food. She needs a good balance daily meal. Kalau adik ada kelebihan try and check out if there is anyone/a qualified person to cook for Mummy while all u adik beradik kerja...pasal basuh pinggan tu adik buat dgn iklas hati...kalau Kak Long and the rest simpankan sikit 'beban' pada adik, take it as a lesson...InsyAllah everything will go well with u...afterall kalau u dah biasa dgn buat kerja2 yg berat2 ginik nanti kalau sudah berumah tangga tak payah nak harapkan org 'cos u dah pun jadik expertise kan kan kan...Pasal therapy untuk Mummy, she needs to do it everyday without fail...walaupun u penat do it for her first...InsyAllah God is always there to help those who helps themselves and others and especially if u have told Mummy that u ada hal and Mummy agrees then nobody esle should get angry with u...U have done ur best...lagikpun bukannya u ni tak balik langsungkan..Untuk Mummy jgn beri dia kesusahaan dgn pergaduhan antara adik beradik...Bila adik balik karang, tanya le khabar, makan minum, bersihkan Mummy give her your hugs and terlebih dulu Salam cium dan minta maaf atas semua segala kesalahan terkasar bahasa...hidup kita hanya sementara dan jgn le adik hiraukan sangat dgn leteren Kak Long...Kak ong will be Kak Long...InsyAllah Kak Cik akan hantar berita lagik...In the meantime ini kiriman Salam Peluk Cium dari Kak Cik yg jauh...Semuga adik menjalani kehidupan seharian dgn penuh tabah...cekalkan hati...
Salam...
Mas I am a kak long but I don't behave like the kak long in yr entry.Since my mom passed away 15 yrs ago I am mother to them and alhamdulillah we all get along very well and even go on holidays together be it be in malaysia or australia.Its hard being a kak long I have to show good example to the younger siblings so that they can follow my goos steps.Perhaps kak long has her problems which she doesn't want to share and being stressed she has you to monopolize to venge her anger.My advise be strong and don't fight back as it will make things worst.Maybe you can talk to her and who knows she may opens up and bring things out of her chest!!!Cheer up Mas ok?I will doa for yr well being and also for your mom's good health.
aduusss berat dugaan ni.
at least aku tak cakap langsung dgn adik aku
UBA,
dah banyak kali saya baca dan baca lagi your post ni, still juga tatau nak comment apa..takut tersalah bicara, takut tertambah pedih rasa.
Apapun, saya doakan you sentiasa kuat hadapi semua dugaan ni, insyaAllah.
~bro hero~
tks bro..i shud start with not asking wht others should do and concentrate on wht i should do..
very wise indeed..
siblings war memang lah stressful..but i'm glad that at least we're not arguiing about harta..mintak dijauhkan laa..
ma..i guess people always confused attitude with personality.. i am who i am..i'm not her and i'll never be her.. but in this family everyone has to be like her..
for now..i just dun care 2 hoots about others n concentrate on my mom and abah..
sistertyphoon,
hati bukan geram lagie...tapi dah kering..hati i dah kering dgn dier..i just dun care anymore.. if i'm a gone case to her eyes or anyone eyes for that matter..let it be..suker hati la depa..
and there's sense in wht u said..i dun despise her.... i pitied her..u betul..she tries so hard to be noble to everyone eyes and she has to give a go to us the younger sibling when things dun go her way..
tks..for giving me a different pespective of looking things..
~angel eyes~
tq..beb
~anon~
yes..for now..i leave it for time to mend things..i'm not going to put any effort into it. i need a space of my own..the thing with my sis..is i cannot be all comfy and easy with her..because she'll take advantage for sure..so i kinda like tis distance factor.
about wht my bro said..he prolly didn't say it or maybe he did..but watever it is..i never had any problem with him..
lemme tell u why she thinks or he thinks i'm a goner..
1. tak pakai tudung lagi walaupun dah balik umrah
2. i was wearing it couple of years ago n took it off..
3. i simply dun measure up to them..
tks anon..for your wisdom..appreciate it..
I'm not sure what to say ...
since u have a brother, he should be the one taking care of your mother and you. you and mom r his reponsibility no mattter what. Try to get your uncle ke or auntie ke to talk to him (or someone that he respect very much).
when i'm not merapuing, i'm a son, a brother, a father and a husband.
Mas dear,
Fist let me give you a bIGGG HUGGGG. Went thru yr previous N3 which I missed. Salam Ramadhan to you and soon dah nak raya.
I donno what to say. I am kak long too with two other sibblings, brother and sister. But we gave and take. When I was young, I was dominant to my sibbling. But as I grow old, and my sibblings are mature enough to lead life, we are more like best friends.
You be strong OK..hold on to what you can to do the best.. If need be...good to let it out as you always did..
From a distant,
Love, AM.
Take care babe...*Hugs*
this is so heartwrenching.
keep it strong, k.
*hugs*
Is sad kan, when we're not appreciated... tapi tak pe, kesabaran akan mengatasi segalanya...
while for this :-
1. tak pakai tudung lagi walaupun dah balik umrah
- Tak semestinya mereka yang tak bertudung tu jahat atau pun tidak baik, no point cover your hair but at hati dan perasaan tak ikhlas...
well, just concentrate on good things we can do to the best of our ability (so that we can move on and take one step at a time and not just been stucked by one point of issue of wearing a tudung)...one little thing I'd like to share... Allah measure a person based on what other human say good things about him...i remember my beloved and pious late bro said about one of his muslim friend... 'he is one kind of a person who is a very kind,helpful and a very noble person to other people...but he don't pray.. i believe one day Allah will save him'..:)... One thing is that ppl tend to conclude things based on what they experience in the past, and that is why sometimes they seem to be condescending thinking that they've already gone through things first.. the fact is that other ppl might gone through the same trouble and made it through a different kind of journey and experience...akhir kata, buat baik berpada2, buat jahat jgn sekali :)..
well, just concentrate on good things we can do to the best of our ability (so that we can move on and take one step at a time and not just been stucked by one point of issue of wearing a tudung)...one little thing I'd like to share... Allah measure a person based on what other human say good things about him...i remember my beloved and pious late bro said about one of his muslim friend... 'he is one kind of a person who is a very kind,helpful and a very noble person to other people...but he don't pray.. i believe one day Allah will save him'..:)... One thing is that ppl tend to conclude things based on what they experience in the past, and that is why sometimes they seem to underestimate us thinking that they've already gone through things first and made it through.. the fact is that other ppl might gone through the same trouble and made it through a different kind of journey and experience...akhir kata, buat baik berpada2, buat jahat jgn sekali :)..
After reading yr post I have to say I am thankful that i am the only gurl in the family. But then again, they are your family. Blood thicker than water kan? Be strong gurl.
waaah ! i'm impressed. tengah marah HOT pun boleh taip SMS dengan banyaknya dan ejaan betul. anyway, back to the real issue ... focus on yr MOM, the rest tu kira side dishes je.
~jenifer~
hahhaaa..betul..tapak kaki mak aku kan..yg lain nyer tapak kaki tak valid nak pass kan aku..so heck with em'
aku tau and acknowledge yg sis aku tu memang byk tolong aku..not only me..the rest also.. i'm grateful n all but not to the extend to accept this crappy stuff
~merapu~
merapu the bro...it's so hard to tell him..and i dun think i'm fit to tell him to do that...tapi harap2 lah dier sedar sendiri..
~anggerik merah~
big bear hugs to u 2...tks AM..yeah i'm letting it out on the blog..i feel released..and all the words of wisdom i get..i treasure it..
~trublue~
tks sis..u take care too..:)
~fng~
*hugs back*
~nzn~
yeah..patience is wht i have now..tks sis..
~anon~
aaa..that's not the perception she has..i'm a goner as far as she is concern..but as i said i dun care..suker la asalkan bahagia..mengata org ker aper ker..asalkan bahagia..i know where i shud concentrate on now..sorry to hear about yur brother too..my late bro passed away about a year ago..still think like he's alive..
~cosmicgurl~
hahaaa..betul tu..blood is thicker than water..sabo jer laa..
~ninuk~
lagi HOT lagi betul..nyehh..nyehhh..yeah all the side dishes kasi makan dan settle abih criter..
sedey my comment you tak baca ke? My hope you and yr mom will have a nice raya together.
UBA sedey you tak baca my comment di atas ke?Anyway my hope you and your mom will have a nice raya together.Selamat hari raya.
aduss kak elle jgn lah merajuk..u r still my kakak from the south..bukan kak elle nyer jer..lolls ngan itote pun luper.. dah nyanyuk kot la mas nie..
not fighting back tu la yg susah kak elle...sometimes i can buat pekak, but my kak long nie ader habit, kalau org buat camtu she will keep on yakk..yakkk..n yakkk... tak henti henti... so now sicne i've shut her up for god knows how long..i can just senyap jer..
tks kak elle..i know that at the end of the day..we shud always respect the eldest, i will try..:)
selamat hari raya kak elle..
aduss kak elle jgn lah merajuk..u r still my kakak from the south..bukan kak elle nyer jer..lolls ngan itote pun luper.. dah nyanyuk kot la mas nie..
not fighting back tu la yg susah kak elle...sometimes i can buat pekak, but my kak long nie ader habit, kalau org buat camtu she will keep on yakk..yakkk..n yakkk... tak henti henti... so now sicne i've shut her up for god knows how long..i can just senyap jer..
tks kak elle..i know that at the end of the day..we shud always respect the eldest, i will try..:)
selamat hari raya kak elle..
~azer mantesa~
:)
~kak chik anon~
salam kak chik...insya allah lah kak chik i will try but for now i just rather keep things below the radar.. we're getting a maid which hopefully arriving after raya..hopefully la she can help us out..it's more of mom having sumone at home to talk to and excercise with..
~lollies~
memang lah berat....kau pun tak bercakap gak??..
~itot~
to know that you've read makes me feel swell already :) take care sis..
adorable,
I feel for you. I rasa dugaan Allah will come in many ways and I guess this is one of them. During this trying moments. everyone gets pretty emotional and tired. They say things they don't mean. Masuk telinga kanan keluar telinga kiri. As for spending time with friends..sometimes I guess you need a break and it will do you good. Tak pelah banyak bersabar, it will go off ...in the mean time you take care of yr health, coz yr mom needs you and you know yr priorites and just dont bother what org lain pikir.
ye la Nour kan? masuk telinga kanan n out on the left..my priority now is the mom n not forgetting my abah..
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