Ramadhan and Sacrifices

So much to write..too little time..but I must have some time for me. Because by blogging I find some therapeutic sense in me.

Lemme see..what has been going on in my life?? New job..moved back to my parents place...and...and that's it. Why the heck am i so out of time then??

First and foremost I would like to wish my fellow bloggers a blessed Ramadhan al mubarak. Since I've been out of the blog world for quite sometime, here's a list of those I like to wish individually..just so u know that I'm still around and been reading your fantabulous blogs!!

WISHES GOES TO...

1. Anggerik Merah
2. Aunty N
3. Ayong
4. Azer Mantessa
5. Bertique
6. BTB Bro
7. Boogie
8. Blackfeline Sis
9. Bro Hero
10. Cosmic Gurl
11. Dayang Zone
12. Freex n Geex
13. Gab
14. Gravtkills
15. Bro Idham
16. Intan the SING Goddess
17. Isas
18. Itote
19. Jade aka Jar Miow
20. Jlop Jollie
21. Kak Teh
22. Kak Lady
23. Lollies the Doha Goddess
24. MadameRosse
25. Mak Andeh
26. Mak Lang
27. Mak Nenek
28. Mama Rock
29. Merapu Man
30. Nadia
31. Ninuk
32. NoreMourinho
33. Nour
34. NzN
35. Pak Adib
36. Pokku
37. Romancing The Stone
38. Sheryl
39. Sue Ixora
40. Sya the Kakak Bowling
41. TruBlue
42. Twisted Joe
43. Not forgetting..Kak Elle in SING & Kak Lady in SA

Not forgetting too my EFX2 buddies...

1. Dory
2. Elisa Taufik the Al-Khobar Goddess
3. FamyGirl
4. LazyDaisy79
5. Yes..lollies again..:)
6. Moonlite
7. Nadia
8. Nonah
9. Offlionandbear
10. OndeOnde
11.Primary Basic
12. Rotidua

And, in case I can't keep up with the blog world..SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI, MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN....SEMOGA AIDILFITRI INI LEBIH MEMBERI MAKNA KEPADA SEMUA...

If i've missed anyone...it's not done intentionally..do forgive me..

I will always remember this Ramadhan. This will the first year my mom won't be able to cook for us. She's not feeling well. Since the wedding, she has gotten worst. She's practically invalid in terms of doing any house chores. Suspected Arthritis-Rheumatoid. The blood test will only be known on the 6th October. Deep inside I'm scared...If there's one thing that I'm afraid..is losing my mom. No matter who irritating she can be in condemning my weight...she's my pillar of strength. When I was down she didn't gave up on me. She played the mother role I would say to almost perfect. I don't want a perfect mom..I'm now learning to appreciate my mom the way she is....

I usually will get home at almost Isya, greet her in the room. Sometimes she will be struggling to get up for the loo to take wudhu. I peep from outside quietly..sometimes I can hear her crying... I just kept far away. What can I do??

There's only my big sis and me. My big sis will rush home to prepare or buy food for buka puasa then back to work. She will come back after maghrib, clear the table, get ready for Isya then to Terawih. I'll be coming back just after Isya, head to the kitchen, clear the dirty plates in the sink then massage my mom or dressed her in her kaftan or just simply chat with her. Nowadays I will put on the infra light treatment for her frozen shoulders and joints, these will usually takes up to almost an hour concentrating to many parts of her joints. So while doing this I get to chat with her on things and hear her feelings...She's scared too..she's been far too independant..that not being able to get dress on her own makes her depressed. I'm grateful that I have an Aunt and her children who really cared about my mother. They send some food everyday to my mom, knowing that I won;t be home on time and my Sister only get food from the Pasar Ramadhan... Thank you Umi and Kakaks!!

While doing that, she will always say that she misses her grandchildren. My late bro usually brings them at least once a month to Shah Alam...Now?? It's not my perrogative... I hope my SIL will find some sense in her to do what my bro used to do especially now...it's hard for all...that's for sure..but that's the least I can do...no matter how much I do..it will never measure up to what my mom have done for me through out my life. My younger sis, drove up yesterday with her husband after hearing my mom's voice on the phone. She's in pain, she's scared, she feels helpless..

I help her dressed

I help her with her food

I help to get out of the car

I help her to get up from the bed

I help her ease her pain by rubbing heat ointment on her crinkled skin..yet natural

I'm actually doing the house chores...

But my SISTER sacrificed the most though... Now that I know she had been crying for quite sometimes..frustrated with her siblings attitude.. where's my 2nd bro?? He's out for 40 days since 16 Syaaban for his yearly mission. Shouldn't he be with his mom instead??..is his responsibility now..he's the only son left..It's not my call..but I know deep inside my sister and especially my mom is sad. He should be with his family or in this case my mom and share this moment together..I'm not going to call it a burden..because for once in my life I'm doing something for my mom..something that comes naturally..not because I have to. Yeah..I can be a pain in the neck sometime...whenever she says the wrong thing..like washing the toilet it's not a chores...she's just frustrated I guess.

Mommy, I know I never said this enuff, I love you..I hope you will be better soon...I promised to do my level best for you...

Maybe there's a reason after all me not being married yet..there's a reason why I got this new job nearer to home, why my off day now it's no longer Sunday and it's weekday where I can drive my mom wherever she wants to go, why this...why that...but one thing I wonder but redha..is why?? why my brother??

All she has left to remember him besides the memories and her pain when delivering him is his wooden chair which he brought back from his uni ages ago and he's 5 juniors..which she rarely sees...

While going through this I'm remembering how my friend down south deals with this. She's in much greater situation that I am in. Thank you for indirectly giving me the mental and emotional preparations.

For now..I'm anxiously waiting for the blood test result...

Oh..Allah please make it simple..don't make it difficult...