Expectations

Everyone of us has expectations. Expectations towards people we love and ourselves. I guess it is always easier to deal with our own expectations than to deal with the expectations of others have on us. The thing about expectations is to keep on doing it until you've reach that degree of satisfaction and not stopping half way just because someone say so. Will we be label a loser if we don't succed in satisfying ours or others expectations?

For me the answer is plain no. Though it took me couple of long odd years to realised that. For donkey years I've tried in vain to live up to others expectations let alone mine. I will get all uptight and think I'm a total failure. And when I feel this, my self confidence will sunked in me and I will feel like a piece of useless shit. Why? All because I failed to live up to others expectations. It's always my priority to see that others are well taken care off and let my inner self suffer in silence.

But thanks to friends I have on the many many interesting blogs, I've gained my confidence bit by bit. I'm a silent and/or active reader to many super duper blogs that are being written by honest, great and sincere people. People who are in real life are strangers to me..I might be in the same mall with them or at the red traffic light and not knowing that they're the ones who've motivated me directly or indirectly .

When I came back from Umrah almost everyone expects me to cover my hair. Though I clearly know this is an obligatory to a muslimah, I still came back as how I was before physically. Mentally, I've grown to be a less hot-tempered person, willingly accepted my lot in life, always searching for a better way to improve myself physically, mentally and spiritually and just be happy. Everything that don't turned out the way I want it to be, I see it as a blessing as disguise. Plus I don't want to live with too many if's in life. I think that's very negative. Of course the if's should not go beyond my being a muslim. Which I never really bothered before.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is, I'm just happy with my returning as an improved and better muslim in relating to my uncanny Umrah trip. And I pray to Allah that He'll prolonged my life here on earth, long enough to repent all my past sins and work on being a good muslimah, up to my expectations of course....